LEGAL DISCLAIMER

I need to preface this blog with a legal disclaimer: I am not a therapist and I don't play one on TV. I am however an abuse survivor. I was molested as a young girl, raped before I was 20 not to mention mentally, emotionally, verbally and physically abused by those that claimed to love me throughout my life. I have danced on the brink of total self destruction, tried unsuccessfully to stuff the skeletons in the closet, under the bed and anywhere else I could hide them, and just plain lie about the past that taunted and haunted me. I tried to be the perfect girl God wanted me to be and I have given the Devil himself a run for his money. When I surrendered, when I finally embraced everything I have survived, for the first time in my life I was defining the abuse, it wasn't defining me.

This blog is being recreated as a place for other survivors to hear firsthand how something’s have and haven't worked for me. I have spent more time on the couch than most therapists have spent getting their degree. I will gladly share what I have learned from the many professionals I have worked with as well as the Cracker Jack advice a few "unprofessionals" have thrown at me. I will say it again, I am not a therapist and I don't play one on TV. I am simply going to share my journey from a completely messed up, toxic human being to the person I am now. I am going to give you full access to a very colorful past and the struggles that still plague me. With this back stage pass, I am going to apologize up front for the language that may spew from my keyboard from time to time. You can't survive what I have and not say the "F" word once or twice. (I will mark posts with foul language with a warning of some kind.) I have written a book titled "The Purple Orchid List." (Available for download through Amazon, Barns & Noble and Kobo Books) The book, a memoir, chronicles my life from the molestation to finding my “Happily Ever After” and while I will reference the book from time to time, this blog is going to focus more on my daily life and how abuse effects even the most minuscule parts of day to day living. For the sake of continuity I will refer to my three ex husbands as their names in the book, Tom, Dick and Harry.

I encourage comments! I want to hear your story if you have endured similar experiences and you want to share. What I do ask is, please refrain from negativity. Respect those of us who are willing to share very intimate and often times embarrassing parts of our lives in hopes that someone who is suffering silently may find strength and courage to face their situation head on. Religious beliefs are ok, but when someone doesn’t agree with you, or share your same beliefs, please grant them the same reverence you would like to receive. The one common thread every religion shares is the golden rule, “Treat others as you wish to be treated.” As long as I have tackled the religious topic, I might as well cover the political one as well. Democrat, Republican, conservative or liberal it doesn’t matter here. Oh hell, while I’m at it sexual orientation, race, gender, none of it matters. We are all human. No one is above the next. Unless you are Jason Statham everyone will receive the same amount of respect here. If you are Jason Statham… hang on, I’m blushing… I, um… I have like the biggest school girl crush on you! Ok, that’s all about that!

As a mom of three sons, one of which is an “acquired son” who is going through similar experiences I have, there will undoubtedly be many posts about being a mom and raising children in a less than Mayberry world.

Any advice I give should be taken with a grain of salt… I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL... I don’t have a dozen letters behind my name or two little letters in front of it. My University has been the life I’ve lived. The fact that I am sitting here, ALIVE, with a brain cell left in my head, I’m not locked up in a psych ward or behind bars, and I didn’t take anyone out in the process tells me the Universe has a plan for me. I have a great life with the most amazing husband, three remarkable boys, a wonderfully successful career and now my writing is going places I never thought possible so whatever I have done has worked. I am simply sharing the recipe. If a priest can give advice on sex and marriage….. I can at least say, “I’ve been there done that.”

Now with all of the “rantings” out of the way, let me tell you more about the “Crazy White Chick.” As I have said, I am a mother. I have four boys. Yes, I said four. I have three biological sons. A 17 year old, an 11 year old and Jakob, my son that passed away at birth. He would be turning 15 this June. Then we have our “acquired son,” he is 16. We didn’t adopt him, we aren’t foster parents, he isn’t a step child, but he is ours- legally- none the less. I am a wife. After my third divorce I could finally admit there are things in life I am simply not good at, marriage was at the top of the list. I made a ridiculously impossible list my new husband had to say, be, and do to insure I would forever remain single. Within less than a month Jack, unknowingly, was, said, and did everything on my list. You can watch the play I wrote, "The Purple Orchid List," on YouTube. I journal the perils and paranoia of that time in my life.(Jack and I play ourselves) We have been married now for five years. YEA US! He understands me, including my complete and total crush on Jason Statham. I couldn’t ask for more! I am a professional; I’m a licensed massage therapist by day and a private home health care provider by night. I have had jobs from one end of the spectrum to the other. Now I wear whatever I’m comfortable in, yes clients have seen in me in jammie pants and bare feet, and commute from one end of the house to the other for work. I am as busy as I want to be. My schedule revolves around my boys’ activities, I have yet to miss a football game because of work! I’m a writer. When we published the book last November the response I received was overwhelming. I encourage you to read it if you’d like. I have written my memoir, a play that we preformed to sold out crowds, a children’s series I have yet to publish, a screen play (ironically without a part for Jason Statham), a novel, and now I am working on a novel with one of my dearest friends, the follow up to my memoir, and another play, not to mention the blog. I am a daughter, a daughter in law, a sister, and sister in law. I’m an aunt, and a niece. I’m an animal lover. We currently have five rescue dogs, a couch eating Saint Bernard named Belle, an autistic mini doxie named Jeffie, his therapy dog, a Chihuahua cross named George Lopez, an animal they told us was a dog, but I’m not convinced, we call him “creepy uncle dog,” or Roger and Brutus is our yorkie, is the ONLY dog we didn’t rescue. I’m a libra. I love the old school cartoons, old toys and old music. I love to dance, take naps on rainy days and black licorice sun seeds. I’m a bit of a motor head, I would rather pull up in a Mopar with a roaring engine than anything considered luxury. I will drink a beer or a dark Merlot, and eat a hot dog on my fine china. I refuse to fall into the stereotype of who I am supposed to be,I just turned 40 but I'm still 25 at heart. When I hit the point in my life where I should consider test driving a minivan, I put pink highlights in my hair instead. Chances are we have something in common.

I’m excited you decided to read my blog! I will be posting weekly, though I haven’t figured out what day it will be yet. I will give you a heads up… my first post will be about going to the dentist- you’re not going to want to miss it! Peace out ~j~